Friday, September 18, 2009


Friends, I think it may now be that I've crossed that line into certifiable! Yep, in a moment of insanity, I agreed to help coach Little Critter's soccer team....Now before you all say "SO?!" let me remind you that I am no longer a spring chick. Ok, I'm probably not even a summer chick any longer. Keep in mind our eldest foster son is 29...OK, now you're getting the picture. So what in the name of sanity made me agree to this idiocy?!?! All I can plead is insanity. We had 7 boys (9 and 10 yo boys) with no coach. And the head of the soccer league said he had a mom (who's never coached anything and knows less about soccer than I do)who agreed to be a coach if she had someone to help. I got chosen....sigh. What is that little three letter word I keep forgetting at strategic times???? Hmmm. Well, I did help coach 2 years ago, and was made head coach when the man coaching had his shift at work changed to second shift.....OK, I'll do it.

Well, Monday was our first practice....Fortunately 6 of the 7 boys have played soccer before so it's mostly getting them to play as a team, with a little extra practice for the one child. OK, we can do this! So I'm kicking the balls to them for them to block and then kick back to me.....I jammed my big toe. Don't know how I did it, but by the time we finished our 1 1/2 hour practice, I could hardly walk! Dodi looked at it, prescribed a cold washrag which Little Critter took maniacal pleasure in getting for me.....(I HATE being cold! So the little rat filled that washrag with ice! And then grinned the whole time he held it on my poor swollen bare toe!!! LOL!) So I determined that perhaps I didn't need to kick so many balls to them at the next practice. Great plan! But it backfired on me.....sigh.

Thursday was our next practice. The toe was least no so swollen so I could put  my tennis shoes on. Off to practice we go as soon as I get off work. (I work part time) We're having a great practice, but when it came time to set them in their positions for our game this weekend, there was no one to play the opposing team. Well, I got one of the little brothers to come help me and said we'd be the opposing team. (Yep, I just don't learn do I?!) So I punt the ball into the middle of their positions, and the race is on....they kick to each other, they're passing the ball, running for the goal...Oh good grief! That's MY goal! I take off down the field trying to block the kick for a goal and take a flying leap missing the ball completely but land on my belly in the goal zone. The boys hoop and hollar for the point they made...I pick myself up thinking there's something wrong with this picture...but not yet sure what's wrong here. (Yes, sometimes I'm not the brightest crayon in the box!) So we all line up again and I again punt the ball into their midst, they start passing the ball beautifully, heading again for my goal, but this time I'm smarter! I run into the mix and start trying to steal the ball from them!! That'll teach those little wormy boys!!!! Yea.

Unfortunately, my eyesight isn't as good as it used to be, so as I'm trying to steal the ball, I land on TOP of the ball instead of behind it...the ball foot goes with it.....and SPLAT! I'm doing the splits..sideways. ARGGGGGG! As I'm sitting there looking at my legs going in opposite directions, I realize there's this horrible burning pain in my left groin area....OH NO!!! Of course the boys don't realize anything's wrong until they've finished scoring on me again. (WORMS!) Then as I'm dragging my body off the ground, muttering "I'm too old for this nonsense!!!!" They exclaim, "But Miss, you did that really well!!! Besides, your cool for being so old!!!!" Awww. Aren't they wonderful little worms!?!?

So tonight, I'm thankful that I have to do nothing but stand on the sidelines during our game this weekend, and that our next practice isn't until next week!!!! That gives Papa plenty of time to bind these old bones back together and strengthen them!!(Or give them some better flexibility.....I'm not sure which I need more of) And I'm also thankful that Sukkot isn't for another week so I have time to heal a little before Little Critter and I start building our Succa. (that's another blogpost.....) Now I just have to figure out how to get all my cooking done tomorrow for Shabbat and Rosh Hashanna without having to get out of my chair here.....LOL!

Hope each of you learn from my mistakes here and don't forget to make sure your brains have functioning cells before you open your mouths....I'd hate for anyone else to follow my's painful. Of course I'm going to tell everyone this is my weight loss program. Yea, hurt yourself so you can't walk into the kitchen to get any food and you're sure to loose weight!!!!! After soccer season I think I'll work on a less painful method of loosing those last few pesky pounds! Be blessed, enjoy a giggle or two on me tonight, and know I'm thankful for friends who will laugh with me. Shalom, and Shana Tova Umetukah (blessed and sweet new year). a very sore Spitfire

PS Lest anyone think I'm really complaining....I really would do this again in a heart beat!!! This will most likely be LittleCritter's last year to play soccer (no leagues for the older kids yet)and the precious memories we're making are priceless! If my being in pain a few days is all it takes to make these kinds of memories, I'll gladly do it. Before too much longer, he'll be a teen and no longer want to do things with Mom. So I'll eat it up while I can!!! And thank Papa for allowing me to have the privilege of being Little Critter's Mom!


Ahavah-Shim'eon said...

yep - agreed - certified! are you playing English soccer / English rugby or American football?

my bro coaches... but usually from the sidelines :0D (hint)

Spitfire said...

Ahavah, I'm not sure which English game it's like, but it's like the futbol they play in S the soccer in the Olympics. Only I don't think I'm going to get any gold medal for this!!!! LOL!

Spitfire said...

Ahavah, I'm not sure which English game it's like, but it's like the futbol they play in S the soccer in the Olympics. Only I don't think I'm going to get any gold medal for this!!!! LOL!

Most Rev. Gregori said...

The last time I did something similar, I fulfilled my obligation for at least three days, then realizing my utter stupidity I had to find a way out without appearing that I was trying to shirk my duties, so what did I do, you ask. Well the next time I was to coach the volley ball team, I showed up with a blank look on my face and just wandered around as if in a daze. Everyone thought that I was suffering from "old timers' disease, and they kept saying; "Oh, that poor dear," before driving me home. lol

Do you think it might work for you?

Spitfire said...

Great idea Abouna, but most everyone around here knows me too well. One of the hazards of living in a small town....besides my son would no doubt rat me out!!!! I'll just have to rely on Papa to either create an out for me or build me up while the season continues...after this weekend there's only 7 more weeks. What's the worst that could happen? Don't answer that question!!!!! LOL!

RaDena said...

Spitfire, you remind me so much of myself. I coached a high school girl's softball team at the age of 50! LOL! We're both certifiable. But YOU CAN DO THIS! :)

nanc said...

after many years of playing competitive sports i can tell you we do not heal as quickly as twenty years ago, nor do we move as quickly - just the other night our son hollered downstairs and said, "MAMA! COME QUICK - RUN UP HERE - I NEED TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING!" ...five minutes later...HA! i was hoping it wasn't something that needed my immediate attention.